Break Your 'Lil Heart
by TheAllTimeLow
Summary: Jack plays in a band, All Time Low, with his best friends Alex, Rian, and Zack. After a memorable gig, things get heated in the hotel room, only to end in disaster. M rated Lemon content.
1. At The Hotel

The final strum of my electric guitar sounded like thunder, as it was amplified to double the volume, and sent back towards the screaming fans. My ears protested against the noise, but I was too caught up in the excitement to care. The mosh pit was crowded, and people were pushing against the stage, trying their hardest to reach out and touch us. Everyone was soaked in sweat, myself included, and I couldn't help it as my eyes wandered over to Alex. Halfway through the gig he had taken off his shirt, leaving his torso exposed, and glistening with sweat. I caught his eye then, and it was enough to make me turn away quickly. I was very thankful for the darkness the mosh pit provided because my face had begun to burn with the warmth of a blush.

"Thank you all! We fucking love you!" Alex screamed into the microphone, and the crowd screamed back frantically.

I laughed when the bottom piece of pink lace lingerie came flying onto stage from somewhere in the front of the crowd, and looped around the headstock of Alex's guitar. He unhooked it carefully from around the pegs, and then shoved it into his pocket.

"I'll keep these for later," He grinned. The crowd went insane; including a few distinct giggles from the direction the underwear had come from.

I shook my head in amusement, and tried not to picture Alex running around our motel room in the pink lace. A small shiver of pleasure ran down my spine while my mind lead me to other fantasies. Alex waiting for me on his bed, naked and fully erect just for me, my favourite crooked smile of his lighting up his face…

"Jack?"

I blinked, looking up into Alex's face. My mind whirled, and it took me a few moments to recover before I realized I was still standing on stage, only the crowd was wolf whistling and calling out loudly. What had happened?

"See someone nice in the crowd?" Alex asked lightly, his tone suggested he was trying to hint something obvious.

I just stared at him dumbly. The corners of his lips twitched, and then his eyes flashed down to the floor and then quickly back up again. He did this twice more before I understood, and glanced down. Oh my god. My entire face burned as I moved my guitar not so subtly to hide my straining errection from the crowd. It was only made worse when the friction the guitar made against my jeans, made me impossibly harder.

By now the crowd had given up the calls, and had started up a group chant. I didn't bother to try and follow what they were saying. Much to my embarrassment, all I could think about was Alex's bare chest inches away from me, and what might be running through his head. Did he think I was stupid? Or, could the sight of my errection straining against my jeans possibly even arouse him? Of course, the thought only made me blush more fiercely.

I hid my face with one hand, and kept the other on my guitar to keep it in place as I ran from the stage, careful to avoid the many wires that threatened to trip me and further draw out my embarrassment. Mercy was on my side, and it wasn't long before I had run all the way to the motel we had booked. It was three blocks away from where we had played, and I was exhausted and drenched head to toe in my own sweat when I asked the women at the front desk breathlessly for my room key. She gave me the key without any question except to ask if I was okay. I thanked her for her concern, then darted to the elevator, guitar still pressed against my body, and frantically jabbed the button with my thumb. I didn't stop pressing it until the doors opened. Not wasting any time, I dove into the now empty elevator, and pushed the button for my floor; which, much to my agony, was the second floor from the top. I groaned. It seemed to take an eternity for the elevator to slowly climb upwards, and in that time, I couldn't keep my thoughts out of the gutter. My eyes drifted shut when I was too tired to keep them open, and the same picture of Alex's naked body flooded my head. This time, he was wearing the pink lingerie and slowly walking towards me. His hands reached slowly for the zipper of my jeans, and I moaned softly…

The ding of the elevator told me I had reached my floor, and I reluctantly forced my eyelids open. Fatigue ached in all my muscles, and I dragged my guitar across the motel carpet, finding it impossible to try to carry.

302, 302, 302. My eyes roamed over the numbers on the doors, trying to find my own room, while I pushed myself down the hallway, feeling more dead than alive. I just wanted to get to my bed and sleep. At last, I found the number I was looking for. In my anticipation, I forgot about my dragging guitar, and full out ran for the door. The black numbers against the white paint of the door made them stand out like a target.  
I almost crashed head-on with the door, but managed to stop myself, and fumbled with the key before succeeding to get it into the lock. It took a few tries, but I heard the loud click of the lock opening, and eagerly shoved myself across the threshold.  
My guitar fell from my hands next to the door, causing a thud to echo through the room, and I knew it probably wasn't a good thing for my guitar, but I was too tired to care. I felt blindly along the wall for a light switch, but couldn't find one.

"For Fuck sakes," I muttered bitterly into the pitch-blackness of the room.

"Fuck… I love it when you talk like that…"

Something triggered in my mind as my senses overwhelmed me all at once. The first was recognition. I knew that voice. Only just now, it was deep and husky; like nothing I had heard it like before. The second was panic. What was he doing in my room? I was suddenly hyper-aware of my erection again, which had grown almost painful as it ached against the restraint of my jeans. I was no longer tired like I had been before, but wide-awake, and my hands had begun to shake.

"Alex?" I choked out through my panic.

Almost immediately after his name had left my lips, a lamp flashed on and lit the room up in a warm yellow glow. My heart stopped as I took in everything, and for a split second I thought that maybe it was just another one of my fantasies. He was laying there, legs crossed over each other; one hand still on the switch of the lamp, and the other drawing light circles as it rested on his thigh. But more importantly, he was completely naked. Alex seemed to read the thoughts in my eyes, and rose gracefully from my bed and came to stand in front of me, all in one fluid movement.

"This isn't one of your daydreams," Alex murmured, a delicious smile stretching across his face.

I blushed, and looked at my feet. My eyes, on their way down to my feet, caught a glimpse of his hard sex, and I gasped loudly. Alex chuckled, and took a step closer to me. I could feel him against my chest.

"You make me so fucking hard," he breathed. His breath smelt like mint bubblegum, and I whimpered softly as I became harder. "Do you want me, Jack? I've seen the way you look at me sometimes. I've wanted you so fucking badly for the longest time."

I just nodded. I couldn't say or do anything else. All of a sudden, Alex closed the distance between us, grasping my errection through my jeans. I groaned, and pushed my hips into his hand.

"Is this what you want?" he demanded, tightening his grip enough that I had to bite my lip to refrain from crying out. "Tell me, Jack. Tell me what you want."  
"You," I burst out, a little louder than I had anticipated. It was almost a plea, and that was enough to arouse my further. "I fucking want you, Alex."

The next moment he had my shirt over my head, and thrown off into a random corner of the room. I kicked off my shoes; ignoring the loud thump they made, each after the other, as they hit the far wall. Alex hugged me against his well-toned chest, his length pressed against mine, and our body heat mingled like electricity between us. I shifted in his arms, and his errection rubbed against my crotch area. I whimpered into his shoulder, and heard his breathless moan next to my ear.

"You are so hard for me," Alex whispered, his hand slowly tracing down my stomach, leaving what felt like a trail of fire behind it. Despite the burning feeling his touch left on my skin, I still felt a shiver of pleasure run down my spine.  
His gentle touch found the button on my jeans, and he undid it effortlessly. He moved the panel of fabric away with his hand, and grasped my impossibly hard cock with his whole hand. I couldn't control the whimper that escaped my lips.  
"I think you've had these on for too long," he scolded me before pulling my jeans down to my ankles all in one motion. I stepped out of them all to readily, and Alex laughed again as he kicked them away from us. For a moment, I felt completely exposed and vulnerable in front of him, like a child awaiting punishment from a higher authority. My eyes dropped to the floor, and I blushed a furious shade of red.

"You are so fucking cute when you do that," Alex told me, his voice as smooth as silk next to my ear. "So… innocent."

I looked up into his hungry eyes, and felt my errection strain. Alex must have felt it too, because the next moment, he was pushing my shoulders down, forcing me on my knees before him.

"Open."

I opened my mouth slightly, and was surprised to feel my mouth strain wider to accommodate his size as he slowly entered my mouth. At first I wasn't sure what to do, and sat there awkwardly, his errection filling me. Not wanting him to think of me as pathetic, I began to bob my head cautiously up and down. He moaned softly, and I reacted on instinct, and began to suck harder. I could feel the tip of his cock against the back of my throat, the way his fingers were wove roughly into my sweat matted hair, and how his hips had started a slight rhythm of their own. Alex's moans had become more animalistic now, and I felt him start to guide the movements of my head.

"You are so fucking good at this," he groaned.

Then his thrusts became more urgent, so that he was steadily fucking my mouth. I hollowed out my cheeks, and grazed my teeth gently against his shaft. The moan that escaped his lips was enough to make my errection painful. I felt him tense and his muscles spasm, before giving two more wild thrusts, and then his hot wet ejaculate streamed into my mouth. I swallowed it dutifully, and licked his length clean with my tongue.

"Good boy," he said with a sly smirk. "Now, stand, and lay face-up on the bed. Close your eyes, and don't do anything until I tell you to."

I nodded helplessly, feeling like a child again, and went silently over and laid back on the pillows of the bed, and closed my eyes. If I hadn't been so incredibly hard, I might have been able to fall asleep. But the picture of Alex's hard cock, made me shudder and fight my fatigue.

"Role onto your stomach. Keep your eyes closed." He ordered sternly.

I did as I was told, and rolled over. Friction between the bed sheets and my erection made me whimper, and I pressed my lips firmly together to suppress the pleas I so desperately wanted to call out to him.

"Get onto your hands and knees." He growled.

Again, I did as I was told. This time, he pulled me down by my forearms, leaving my buttocks high in the air, and my forehead pressed into the padded backboard of the bed. A spasm of fear shot through me again as I considered my position, but I didn't have time to think about it. Seconds later, I felt his fingers, slick with lubricant, enter my anus. I bit hard into my lip as he gently probed and prepared me.

"Uhh!" I gasped, despite my effort, as his thick length then filled me. It stretched me to nothing I had ever felt before, but the pleasure in it was unmistakable.  
"I want to hear you scream my name!" Alex cried as one hand grabbed my thigh tightly, the tips of his fingers digging lightly into my skin. "Scream my name as I cum in your tight little ass."

The profanity coming from his mouth as he drove into me only provoked my arousal, and I began to feel my muscles spasm as I approached my climax. Sweat droplets trailed down my temples and glided over my cheeks, and sprung up in little beads on my chest and neck. My quiet moans had turned into full out cries of sheer pleasure, and Alex was just as loud from behind me, increasing in pitch with each reckless thrust.

I was close now, I could feel it building inside me, pulled at my sore muscles and made my senses overwhelm me as I took in and felt all the different emotions and sensations that pulsed inside me. My breathing came in strangled gasps whenever I had a break between the wild cries each thrust brought out.

"Scream my name, my sweet little Angel," Alex growled, as he lent forward and grasped my errection in his hand. His voice was strained, so I knew he must be close as well. In the motion of him moving forward, he was forced to enter me even deeper than before, and now the added pleasure as he stroked my straining length, was enough to make me uncontrollably fulfil his demands.

"Oh… Fuck! Alex! Please!" I cried out uncontrollably, my thighs shaking as I knew I was about to explode. "Please, I need to cum."

"Ugh," he grunted next to my ear, still working me with his hand. "I love when you talk to me like that…"

An animalistic moan ripped through me, and I grasped at the bed sheets desperately. I was so lost in the unimaginable pleasure, I could barely remember to take breathes between each cry.

"Cum for me Jack, now. Scream my name while I cum in your tight little ass."

Immediately after the words had left his mouth, my muscles contracted and spasmed as I exploded into his palm. A dreamlike state took me, and I screamed his name so loud I wondered at how sore my lungs would be in the morning. Alex let go of my softening cock, and dug his fingers in my thighs, slamming our hips together fiercely while he rode me. Soon after, he fell onto my back, and moaned loudly as he came, filling me with his hot juices. We collapsed onto the bed together, Alex still deep inside me as he whimpered against my bare shoulder.  
I could only moan softly, completely spent, while he planted soft kisses across my skin. When he shifted to kiss my neck, his cock shifted inside me, and it was almost enough to make me hard again. I groaned, feeling slightly sore. Alex pulled slowly out of me, and I whimpered slightly at the loss. He got off the bed, and I let my eyes flutter shut, expecting that he was now going to let me sleep.

"Don't you fucking dare fall asleep, Jack."

I jumped, and my eyes shot open in alarm as I realized I was now laying face up on the bed, my hands cuffed to the bedposts, stretching all my sore limbs. I must have fallen asleep briefly because I didn't remember him moving me.  
Alex was standing next to the bed now, a long black stick of leather held in his hands. It had a loop on the end that flicked and made a whooshing sound when he would bring it down on his palm. My cock hardened instantly.

"You've been a bad boy," Alex cooed under his breath as he raised himself onto the bed so that he was sitting on my stomach. His thick, not to mention incredibly hard sex, so close to my face that it was hard to resist the urge to pull it into my mouth. I licked my lips, and he smirked at me.

"Now, now." He scolded me with the most seductive grin. "You must be patient…" he reached behind him with the crop, and trailed it slowly up my thigh, and between my legs. It trailed across my balls, and I shuddered violently underneath him. Alex chuckled, and then caught my lips in his, forcing me into a sitting position so that he slid down onto the head of my erection. I moaned into his lips, as he ran his tongue across my own, weaving his finger into my sweat-matted hair. I wished so badly to run my fingers in his hair then, and I fought desperately against the cuffs that held me to the bed. I grunted angrily, pushing myself eagerly into him, for it was all I could do to try and ease the release I craved.

As soon as I had begun to lean into the kiss, Alex pulled away. I growled at him, starting to get annoyed with his constant tease game. "Remember what I told you? You have to be patient, my sweet Angel."

He settled down ever so slightly more on my hard cock, allowing my head to just barely enter him. The leather crop he still held in his other hand flicked my balls, and he fondled my nipple with his tongue at the same time. A wet moan escaped my lips, and I shook violently with pleasure. Alex moaned his approval, and lifted his lips back to mine. This time I didn't lean in to it, and he rewarded my control by settling fully. I felt myself enter him, and the friction his tight ass caused, made my erection painful.

"I want you to work my hard cock while I ride you," Alex instructed me roughly, and a second after I felt my right hand fall slack as the cuff was undone. "I want you to cum in my ass while I cum hard all over your sweet face."

My hand flew for his straining length, and I ran my palm from base to head in one powerful stoke. Alex threw his head back, and lowered himself off me, then back down again forcefully. Steadily, he began to increase his thrusts in tempo, and I moved my hand faster to match his pace. We were both moaning and grunting together, our body heat and sweat mingled erotically between us. My hips began a pace of their own, and I rose up to meet him when he would come back down again. Alex whimpered my name under his breath.

"Fuck… Jack." I grinned behind my pleasure, a sense of pride that it was my name and my actions that made his voice so strained, so close to his climax. I worked my hips faster against him, and he cried out, but my answering plea was not far behind as he put his hand over top of mine, so that our hands were working his hard shaft together. I couldn't think to breath anymore, the muscles in my chest had contracted against me, forcing my lungs free of air.

"Please! Please, Alex!" I begged for my release, ready to do anything to get it.

"Together, fucking now. Cum Jack!" he cried.

We both came at the same time; Alex dug his hands into my thighs, and pulled my hips upwards so I was fully inside his ass when I filled him. His cum landed warm and sticky on my face, and Alex lent forward to lick it off with his tongue. I fell back into the headboard of the bed, struggling to draw breathe as my orgasm faded.

"What the fuck is going on?!"

My eyes shot open, and we both turned towards the door, where Rian and Zach were watching us with horrified expressions.


	2. In the Dressing Room

"_What the fuck is going on?!"  
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_My eyes shot open, and we both turned towards the door, where Rian and Zach were watching us with horrified expressions._

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**Chapter 2**

I ran my fingers through my hair, thoroughly ruining all traces of neatness. Several pieces stood up in awkward angles, slowly settling back into my face while I gazed at my reflection in the dressing room mirror. Dark hollows had begun to form under my eyes from lack of sleep. I hadn't had a decent night sleep since the night before the intimacy Alex and I had shared in the hotel room… in fact, nothing had been the same since that night. Rian and Zack refused to be alone in a room with either Alex or I, and had steadily come to avoid all contact with us over the past couple of days. The only time we were ever seen together was during gigs, and even then they tried their best to act like we weren't there. It broke my heart. I thought it wouldn't have mattered seeing as we were all such close friends… but apparently it did.

The man in the mirror was a stranger to me. His eyes were red rimmed from tears; his shoulders sagged inward in defeat, and his hair matted, and stringy. What ever happened to the boy who smiled at everything? The reflection in the mirror was that of a broken, old man. I whipped my arm across my face, forcing my shoulders back so that I was standing straighter. I smiled at the mirror, and the old man returned my gesture with a sad grimace. It was useless. No fan would believe the forced smiles, or the false happy note to my voice. Even the voice inside my head sounded wrong.

"Jack, you okay? You've been in here for ten minutes. The people are starting to chant impatiently for us outside the building." Alex appeared from around the door before an assuring hand rested on my shoulder. I felt a light squeeze. "Jack?" The concern was clear in his voice, something that made my heart melt. Despite the change in Rian and Zack, nothing had come between the relationship Alex and I shared. If anything, it had only become stronger. "Yeah, Alex, I'm fine." There was only a slight sadness to the smile I gave him. Before he could question me on it, I pushed him out of the dressing room door. "Can't keep the people waiting."

We wandered down the long poorly lit hallway until we found the deserted main lobby of the building. Zack and Rian, along with a few of the tech guys and our manager, were standing around waiting with the other bands who had played at the venue, for me it seemed. I could hear the loud complains and screams echoing from the parking lot outside where fans were testing their patience. I couldn't count how many girls had told me they loved me, or how many marriage proposals' I'd gotten. One of these days I'd like to say yes, and see who I can give a heart attack.

"Damnit, Jack, what the hell took you so long?" our manager demanded when he seemed to realize we had entered the room. He sighed before I had time to answer, and just shook his head. "Alright guys, get out there." He ushered us towards the doors, the usual excited nervousness I felt made my cheeks flush as we emerged from the building, and into the view of hundreds of screaming fans. Then everything exploded. A mixture of shrieks and excited screams burst from every person battling fiercely against the barriers. Our security was fighting desperately with the mob, trying to contain them. Flashes went off from cameras. Arms waved everywhere; it was the definition of chaos. And I loved every bit of it.

Within a couple of minutes, the crowd had settled to an excited murmur, and we broke off to chat with fans, sign autographs, and take pictures. It was always interesting to talk to some of these people, to chat with them about songs they liked or what they thought of certain things going on. I walked over to where Alex was furiously signing everything being shoved at him, hoping to distract some of the crazy fan girls at least for a moment. "Jack! Jack, I love you!" I smiled at the camera's flashing in my face, before signing several albums and papers people held out to me. I laughed, enjoying myself. Alex threw his arms around me then, and a chorus of awe's and screams raged from the crowd. More cameras went off, more shouting, but the only thing on my mind was Alex pressed against me from behind. Our body heat mingled like fire; I felt like I was burning.

As our embrace ended, I caught Alex's eye. The look in them was obvious; I want you. My heart pounded, my cheeks flushed, and I looked away. I smiled weakly once more before shrinking away back towards the building. Not sure where I was going, I stumbled slowly back towards the dressing room, the emotion I felt was staggering. With a sense of relief, I found the door that was labelled "All Time Low" by a piece of paper taped to the door, and stumbled into the room. As I turned to shut the door, it opened, and Alex was there. He stepped in, shutting the door quietly behind him, before pulling me into his body with reckless abandon. Our lips met with mutual need, the desire to be closer to each other coursed through every cell in my body. I wanted to feel him everywhere. Alex moaned softly against my lips, pulling up the hem of my shirt to run his hands over my chest. I pressed my body into his touch, and our lips broke apart just long enough for us to pull off each other's shirts. My fingers traced up his arms, back down his muscled chest and around to grasp his ass. Alex grunted, pulling me harder into him with the hand that was on my back, while cradling my face with the other. We panted against each other as he pushed me against the counter in front of the mirror.

"Alex…" I gasped, falling back into it while he fumbled hurriedly with my belt and the zipper to my jeans. My erection that had been straining against my jeans was released, as I was commando under my pants. Alex smirked. "No boxers? You are my naughty boy, aren't you?" I moaned in agreement while he pulled my pants down, slowly sinking to his knees as he left open-mouthed kisses on every new bit of skin that was exposed. I weaved my fingers into his hair, lightly pulling at it while he kissed the inside of my thighs. Unconsciously I spread my legs farther apart, resisting the urge to thrust into Alex's face. His hands grasped the backs of my thighs, while he blew steamy clouds of breath up and down my erection. His lips grazed over the skin, and I shuddered.

Alex pressed his lips to the head of my erection, causing my back to arc as I grasped at the edge of the counter with my other hand. He continued his treacherous trail of kisses down my cock, until he was kissing my balls softly. I growled, and he laughed against my skin. "You're such a fucking tease," I complained. "Alex, please just…" I didn't have time to finish my sentence. Suddenly he had pulled me deep into his mouth, running his tongue firmly around the shaft. He moaned, causing a delicious sensation to erupt in me, and I moaned his name loudly. My fingers tightened in his hair as my hips started a steady rhythm of their own accord, fucking his sweet little mouth. I was panting now, my muscles ached with the strain as he pushed me higher and higher towards climax.

Just as it seemed I was about to peak, Alex pulled out, rising to his feet again. I whimpered at the loss before he kissed me deeply, tugging gently on my lower lip while he forced our bodies closer together, running his fingers through my hair and down my spine. A wave of emotion hit me like a splash of cold water, sending my heart on a pounding rampage in my chest. This was much more than just a kiss, I could feel that now. That realization caused an unexpected surge of lust to rip through my senses, and I pushed Alex gently to the carpeted floor. I fell between his spread legs, immediately leaving soft kisses on any part of him I could reach. My fingers tugged impatiently at his belt, before tugging his jeans and boxers down to his ankles and tossing them aside. He moaned my name sweetly, something other than desire flowed into his tone, but I was too caught up in what I was doing to try and pinpoint exactly what that something was. I traced light patterns across his collarbone before straddling him, and sinking slowly onto his straining cock. A low moan burst from deep in Alex's throat as he settled deep inside me.

"Jack, I…" I leaned forward and trapped his lips in my own; this wasn't a time for words, not to me. "Shhh," I whispered at his ear before lifting myself off him, and then settling down again more forcefully. Alex growled, propping himself up with one arm while he wrapped the other around my neck, pressing me to him. I panted against his soft lips, rising up and again as I rode him steadily. Suddenly I moaned out loudly into his mouth as he lifted his hips to thrust into me as I sunk back down onto him. Alex's breathing was laboured, his forehead pressed firmly into my shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I ran my fingers in his hair, pulling the sweat matted strands roughly, causing a delicious moan to escape Alex's lips. I came down harder on him, putting all my effort into driving him to his climax; he was impossibly close. Sweat dripped down his forehead and little droplets streaked down his bare chest; he was moaning uncontrollably, a noticeable strain in all his muscles while he increased the tempo of his thrusts. "Let it go, baby," I murmured in his ear, reaching down behind me to stroke his balls. His fingers pressed into my back, his arms tightened around me, and he flung his head back, wave after wave of wild cries pouring from his lips as he came deep inside of me. I stroked him for a while longer to prolong his orgasm, before wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug. I felt his breath against my neck as he melted into my shoulder, resting there as his breathing returned to normal.

We sat there for a few minutes in each other's arms, until at last I pushed him away gently, pulling his softened cock out of me. I made to stand, but Alex pushed me backwards and I fell back into the carpet, confused. He crawled forward so that he was between my legs, looking up at me from under his lashes, a devious smile playing at the corner of his lips. "You took care of me," he murmured, pushing his hands under my thighs to grasp my butt firmly. "So I thought I'd take care of you." Once again he took my hard cock into his mouth, bobbing his head down while using his hands to pull my hips up to meet him. I gasped loudly, feeling around for anything that I could grab onto, and found the door, pushing myself against it while I bucked my hips into his eager mouth. His tongue teased my cock, running over every groove, every sensitive area he could reach, taking me deep into his throat. I was gasping and panting loudly, my moans echoing back at me against the dressing room walls. "Fuck, Alex!" I pushed myself harder against the door, thrusting into his hot little mouth while I squirmed in his grasp. He moaned around my cock, and it sent me flying over the edge. My orgasm ripped through me like wildfire, burning a path of pleasure and ecstasy deep inside my chest as it tore through my senses. I growled and whimpered his name over and over, feeling him swallow around me with each burst of my orgasm that hit me. When the waves of climax finally subsided, I felt like I would melt into the floor. Every joint and muscle in my body felt like rubber.

Alex pulled himself up onto my chest, my softening cock falling from his mouth. He rested his head there, and I played absently with his hair, perfectly at ease. If it hadn't been for the fact that we were in the venue dressing room with thousands of fans wondering where we were, I might have layed there forever with him. But there was, and we couldn't. I sighed, and pulled myself into a sitting position. "Alex, they'll be wondering where we are." He rolled off of me, also sighing. "Yeah, you're right."

We got dressed again in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence though, like one you may find at a family reunion where you knew no one, but a comfortable one, and so both of us were content. I checked my hair quickly in the mirror before turning to open the door to leave. As I reached for the handle, Alex spun me around and pressed me against the door before our lips locked in a passionate kiss. We were panting again when he broke away from me, and slipped wordlessly out the door.

I stood there speechlessly even after I knew he was gone. Now that I wasn't distracted by my lust, I had felt the difference in his kiss. But what that difference was, I couldn't fully understand.

Was Alex in love with me?_

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**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**Also, reviews would encourage me to write and update faster! Hint hint. And if you want to add suggestions for future chapters, feel free. Requests for extra chapters at the end will also be taken.**

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	3. Complicating Things

_I stood there speechlessly even after I knew he was gone. Now that I wasn't distracted by my lust, I had felt the difference in his kiss. But what that difference was, I couldn't understand._

_Was Alex in love with me?  
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**Chapter 3**

Life was beginning to seem like a jungle, and I had stumbled into a pool of quicksand. Slowly I had begun to sink; one move leading to another, and before I knew it, I was in over my head. My senses clouded, my judgement dampened by fear, and all hope draining from the world as I fight against the relentless weight on my shoulders that constantly threaten to pull me down. Exactly like quicksand. And I was one move away from drowning.

_Where does the time go? Where did our minds go? I don't know._

My voice lacked enthusiasm as I put in little effort to sing the back up lyrics of the song we were practising for the fifth time in the past hour. Since a review had come up saying we had begun to lack in live performances, our manager and the owner of the label that sponsored us, had been after us to practise. The review had subtly hinted that they thought the reason behind the gradually declining performance was due to the fact that we couldn't actually sing the songs from our recently released album, which also suggested that we participated in mass studio editing. Of course, this was far from the real reason; the reason all four of knew, and would never tell. I groaned as the song finished again, pressing my head back into the couch we were all lounging on. I wasn't quite sure which would be worse for our image. Going along with the studio editing, or admitting that Alex and I had sexual relations that was affecting our relationship with the rest of the band, ultimately leading to the poor performance on stage. I honestly didn't know anymore.

"Come on guys," these exact words had come up so many times since we had started practising early this morning, that they no longer held any inspiration. "Just another hour." Zack pushed himself into an upward position, sitting on the edge of the cushion; he ran his fingers through his curly hair. "You said that an hour ago," he snapped at our manager. "And the hour before that. And the hour before that! I've had enough of this for one day. I think it's pretty damn obvious that we can sing our own songs." And with that he left the room, slamming the door behind him. We all stared after him for a while, watching in awe as the whiteboard on the back of the door swung back and forth from the force at which he had slammed the door. I was slightly surprised it hadn't fallen off completely. Our manager sighed loudly. "Jack, go talk to him."

I started to argue, but Alex pushed me off the couch, launching me forward towards the door. I glanced back to glare at him briefly before opening the door, and slamming it behind me almost as hard as Zack had. I wandered down the hallway towards the only room in the place where he would go; where he could go even. This wasn't the regular studio where we practised at, and so there was only one other room that we were allowed to be in, and that was the small lounge at the far end of the building. It had a small T.V. along with two relatively comfy fold out futons. Not much, but it was a decent place to relax. Zack was sitting on one of the futons when I entered into the room, much in the same position he had been before; his hands tangled in his hair, hunched over motionlessly. He didn't look up as I closed the door behind me and walked over to sit down beside him.

"They sent me to talk to you," I began awkwardly after we had sat there for a few minutes in silence. "I didn't think you would want to talk to anybody though. Especially not me." Zack turned his head to look at me. "What do you mean, 'especially not you'?" The cutting tone of his words left me stunned, and I fumbled to recover, searching desperately for a way to make an intelligent sentence while his glare bore into me. "Well, you and Rian have been avoiding Alex and I ever since that night at the hotel…" I trailed off, frowning. "And I guess I figured you still wouldn't want to talk to me." Zack turned his whole body to face me, pushing his hair back out of his smouldering eyes. "You think we have been avoiding you?" he demanded. I leaned back slightly, taken aback. What fucking right did he have to use that tone with me? He was the one who abandoned our friendship. "I know you two have been fucking avoiding us. You act like we don't exist when we have to be together, and then when we don't, you two just disappear. You wouldn't look us in the eye; you wouldn't even acknowledge our presence in a room. I guess you're right, that's not avoiding… that's just being an asshole."

Now it was his turn to lean back. "An asshole?" he repeated, his voice growing louder by the second. "You're the asshole! You could have at least told us that you felt that way about each other, instead of sneaking around behind our backs. You think we wouldn't be your friends anymore, just because of something like that? Fuck you, Jack. The only reason we were ignoring you, is because we had our feelings hurt. You two wouldn't trust us, so we decided not to trust you." I sat there, stunned into an open-mouthed statue. "All this time I thought…" I trailed off quietly, and he cut me off bitterly. "Yeah, well you thought fucking wrong." Zack glared down at his lap, and I put a hand on his shoulder. He tried to shove it off, but I moved my arm with him, not breaking the contact. At last, he gave up, and his shoulders sunk in defeat, looking up at me with tears forming in his eyes. "How could you even think that, Jack? We wouldn't abandon you guys for anything." My heart throbbed painfully as a staggering amount of guilt tore through me, and my breathing hitched in my throat. Suddenly the past few weeks didn't matter anymore. "Zack, I'm sorry. I-" Before I could finish my sentence, Zack had launched himself forward, throwing his arms around my neck, he caught my lips in his own, trapping my mouth against his. I was stunned as his mouth moved urgently against mine. I could feel the tears pool over in his eyes and stream down his cheeks, trailing across my own skin.

Much to my surprise, I found myself aroused, and began to kiss him back earnestly, tangling my fingers into his hair, bringing him closer to me. I found myself drawn in by the sweet smell of his breath that I tasted on my tongue as he panted and moaned into my mouth. We fell backwards on the futon, Zack falling between my now spread legs as he strained to keep the connection of our kiss. I felt the muscles in his legs and arms as he supported most of his weight, just barely touching my body. His biceps were pulsed, and I couldn't help but trail my fingers lightly down them. He moaned, before melting into my chest at the simple touch. I found that my ability to make him respond so easily turned me on, and I reached back to squeeze his ass. Zack pulled himself into a sitting position, so that he was effectively straddling me, and then quickly pulled my shirt up, over my head, and off, throwing it to the floor carelessly. I moaned as his movements created friction in my pants, making me impossibly hard underneath him. I whimpered as the small space in my jeans was overwhelmed, making my erection almost painful. Eager for relief, I ripped off his shirt; not taking into consideration that it was buttoned before they had all tore off, little white pieces bouncing everywhere. At the moment though, we were both too preoccupied to care.

Zack pulled his arms from the sleeves, tossing his ruined shirt to the floor where mine had fallen, he moved quickly to the zipper of my jeans. My head fell back into the cushion at the end of the futon while he moved himself downwards, pulling my jeans and boxers off just far enough to free my straining cock. The speed at which he was going was overwhelming, and I soon found myself lost in the desire burning through my veins, tearing a path of it's own towards my erection. Zack placed his hands on my hips and squeezed firmly before taking my hard sex into his hot eager mouth. I grasped desperately at the frame of the futon, trying to control the desire to wrap my fingers into his hair and fuck his mouth until I came hard into the back of his throat. His tongue flew wildly around the head of my cock, and firmly down the shaft again, while he continued to bob his head, taking me long and deep into his throat. I grunted continuously, finding it harder to breath every time his wet tongue touched me. My back arched off the futon, my hips grinded up, driving my cock deeper into him. Zack moaned around me, and I screamed wildly. The urgency and speed in his actions were much different then the slow tease Alex usually used, and it drove me more wildly towards my climax, leaving a scorching path of pleasure in its wake. I gasped, reluctantly pulling his head back up. My cock fell from his mouth, and he looked up at me from under his lashes, a devilish grin on his face.

I panted, attempting to regain control over my breathing as Zack took his position from before again. He hovered over my cock, and I reached for the zipper of his jeans, trying to keep the same fast moving pace he had had. I pulled them down as far as I could, and he finished taking them completely off. My eyes ran over his tanned, muscular chest and thighs, then settled on his equipped cock, fully erect for me. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, and let Zack settle himself down, hearing him whimper slightly as I filled his tight little ass. The friction as I stretched him was delicious, but I forced myself to hold still while he adjusted to my size. After what felt like an eternity, Zack lifted himself off of me, and back down deliberately again. Now that he had adjusted, he continued at the same fast paced movements.

Within minutes I was squirming under him, driving my hips up to meet him as he came back down again. His arms wrapped around my neck, weaving into my hair, and tightening convulsively with each powerful thrust. I pulled him to me, trapping his lips in my own; I pulled on his bottom lip gently with my teeth, a moan hitching in Zack's breathing. My muscles began to spasm, and I knew I was so close. I used one of my hands to reach down between us, grasping Zack's cock firmly, I began to work him in long, fast, hard strokes; determined on driving him to his climax. "Fuck, Jack." He cried out in reckless abandon before coming hard into my hand and onto my chest. Wave after wave of pleasure forced an animalistic cry from him, and that was enough to send me crashing and flying over the edge. My orgasm hit me like an oncoming truck, and I moaned loudly into his shoulder, giving a few more jerking thrusts to prolong my orgasm before settling deep inside of him. We sat perfectly still for a few minutes, recovering, until finally Zack looked deep into my eyes. I gazed back at him, and then much to my horror, he burst into tears.

I reached back and pulled his arms from around my neck, pushing him gently just far enough away, so that I could wrap him in a hug. My softening cock slid from him as I pulled him close to me. He sobbed quietly into my chest, and it was all I could do to hold him as I tried to straighten out my own thoughts. What did that all mean? Did Zack…? I sighed, feeling as if I had just made another poor move, causing me to sink deeper into the quicksand. Things had just managed to get a hell of a lot more complicated. I stroked his hair absently, while his sobs began to gradually fade. When they had become occasional sniffs, he pushed away from me deliberately. Getting to his feet, with shocking speed slipped into his jeans, grabbed his shirt, and fled from the room before I could even draw a breath to call him back with.

This was the second time today I'd stared after him as he slammed a door behind him.

The only difference was the first time it had happened I wasn't so confused, and things had been a lot less complicated.

* * *

**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**Also, reviews would encourage me to write and update faster! Hint hint. And if you want to add suggestions for future chapters, feel free. Requests for extra chapters at the end will also be taken.**

* * *


	4. Thirty Thousand Feet

_This was the second time today I'd stared after him as he slammed a door behind him._

_The only difference was the first time it had happened I wasn't so confused, and things had been a lot less complicated._

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Alex? Alex, what are you doing here? Where are we? What's going on? Alex?"

I blinked a couple of times, trying to get rid of the blur that was clouding my vision. His face was a pale outline against the darkness of the room, fading quicker into its depths as I squinted and scrambled after him. As I ran harder, the farther he seemed to drift away from me. My heart pounded fiercely against my ribs, drumming and jumping as it skipped beats and pulled my emotions in a vicious circle driven by my growing desperation.

Tears rolled down my cheeks.

He was almost gone.

I screamed his name. He couldn't leave me. He can't disappear. I can't live without him… I screamed again as I lost my footing, and time seemed to slow down as I began to fall steadily into the darkness.

My eyes flew open with such speed that the room began to spin rapidly around me as I groaned. Acid washed through my stomach, nausea ripping its way through my system with staggering speed. The room was still spinning as I got up from my seat, stepping around several legs before I stumbled down the aisle to get to the bathroom. Thankful for the little luck I had, it was free, and I managed to shut the door before the sick overwhelmed me. I coughed and choked as I leaned over the toilet, a steady pounding beginning behind my ears. It felt like someone was standing behind me with a frying pan, bashing me over the head every other second. As the minutes ticked by, the idea of trying to stand was becoming less and less appealing, and my eyelids had begun to droop while my head rested against the wall.

It was the most uncomfortable, comfortable thing.

A knock at the door followed by a flight attendant asking if everything was alright from through the door made me force myself into a sitting position. I cleaned myself off, staring into the tiny mirror on the wall in the, what seemed to be too brightly lit bathroom, and then opened the tiny thin door.

A woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties with wild bright fire red hair was standing there, a concerned look on her face. I assured her everything was fine quickly before she escorted me back to my seat. The way she followed made me think of a fan girl, and when she asked if I need anything else, I was sure I must have imagined the implication in her tone and the look of disappointment as I quietly declined. If I had been my complete usual self, I might have taken her up on the offer I suspected, but instead I bought a ridiculously priced glass of vodka and rested my face against the cool glass of the airplane window. I sipped at the drink absentmindedly while I gazed at the clouds below us, for once the saying 'your head is in the clouds' seemed almost literal. This wasn't the first flight I'd been on by any means, but the sight was always something to admire.

"Hey, Jack-Attack, what was that about?"

I lifted my face from the window, blinking as I realized it had only taken seconds with my skin against the cool glass to almost put me asleep. I literally was exhausted. Pete was leaning forward in his seat, his arms folded across the headrest of my seat. When I turned, his face was only a couple of inches from my own, and I jumped in surprise. "Awwh, Fuck man!" I complained as I felt my drink splash over the sides of the glass, and spill onto my jeans. Almost immediately I could feel the sticky liquid soaking into the material to my skin underneath. "What do you want?" I asked, annoyed as I shifted in my seat to try and become less uncomfortable.

"What was going on between you and that flight attendant?"

I rolled my eyes.

Always classy, Mr. Wentz.

"Nothing," I shrugged, again shifting in my seat to no noticeable change in my discomfort. The old woman in the seat next to me, glared through her tiny spectacles, the wrinkles on her face pulled her mouth down into a permanent frown. It was obvious she was getting fed up with my moving around. Well, she didn't have vodka soaking into the crouch of her jeans, did she? I hoped not.

Pete leaned back into his seat, looking displeased but not like he was going to let the subject drop. He crossed his arms, gazing at me. "Then why did you two come from the bathroom together?" he pressed, raising his eyebrows so they disappeared behind his messy bangs. I rolled my eyes. "She was just asking me if I was alright, then for some reason followed me back to my seat. I felt sick."

"What's wrong?"

I looked up to see Alex standing at the end of the seats, looking at me with concern in his eyes.

My heart swelled warmly.

"You were sick?" he repeated, resting his hand on the headrest of the seat he was standing in front of. The man sitting there glared ruefully up at Alex, who didn't seem to notice. "Are you alright?" I smiled, the warmness that had gripped my heart since I saw his face had begun to burn steadily through my chest and into my veins, seeming to warm every part of my body. Even my fingers had a tingling feeling to them while they burned. My eyes darted back to Pete who was staring curiously, and I felt the heat flood to my face. I had forgotten that we weren't alone. "Yeah, I'm fine, Alex. Probably just jetlag."

I wondered if anyone else noticed how my voice got warmer when I said his name.

He smiled back at me, and I thought I saw a spark of something foreign in his eyes. I didn't have much time to wonder about it before it disappeared, and he shifted where he stood. "Well, I have someone in first class that I'd like you to meet. A good friend of mine, he's given us permission to seat with him for a while. Free overpriced drinks anyone?" he grinned. "Sounds awesome," I set the now mostly empty glass I was holding on the seat after I had gotten up, and pushed my way past the legs of the woman and the man. They both made irritated noises as I passed.

"Is there enough room for three?" Pete asked hopefully. Alex turned to him, a look of mock apology on his face. "Ahhhh sorry, Bro, but there's only room for two." Pete frowned, and sighed as he sank deeper into his seat again, as if settling in for a nap. "Oh well, you famous people go live the highlife, and us lower-class men will sit here and sip cheap vodka for outrageous prices." Alex and I laughed as his eyes closed, and he let his head drop back.

Smartass.

I grinned at Alex, before he stepped around me and lead me back down the aisle towards the curtain that separated first class from coach seating.

Secretly I was glad it would only be us.

Alex stepped around the curtain, holding it aside for me as I ducked through. He pulled it back across silently before taking my hand and pushing me with gentle force through the first class bathroom door. I gasped as I stumbled into the fairly generously sized space compared to the one in coach, and fell back against the marble top of the small counter, avoiding the built-in sink.

"Alex? What the hell?" I complained, starting to push away from the counter.

I stopped dead when he closed the door.

And that sexy smirk spread across his face.

The shudder that ran up my spine was enough to make me gasp as I felt my cock begin to get hard. One look. One fucking look, and it was enough to get me aroused. The grin that spread across his face was a clear indication that he realized what kind of affect he had on me. I hated it, while at the same time I loved it. My cheeks were burning as he stepped forward to place his hands on my chest, leaning all of his weight into me; it caused my hard cock to press into his crouch. I moaned softly. "Why are your pants wet?" He murmured as he ran his hand along my crouch area. "Spilt vodka," I gasped, having to cut my sentences down to a few words. He smirked disapprovingly. "I guess we better get these off then…"

I moaned… the fire that had started burning in me since I saw him in the aisle suddenly erupted like gasoline to an open flame. His fingers where at the edge of my jeans, taking their sweet time to unzip and unbutton before dragging the dampened fabric torturously slow down my thighs. My hips pushed forward without any conscious command from me, and Alex pressed his forehead into the skin just above my growing erection. He finished pulling my jeans to my ankles, trailing his fingertips up my legs and thighs until they rested on the hem of my boxers.

"Oh dear, it seems these are wet too."

I shuddered. Fucking Hell.

Alex ran his tongue over my stomach, and around my belly button as he gradually released my straining cock from my boxers. He let go when they were at my knees, and I barely felt them as they dropped around my ankles. "So, babe, I heard you were feeling sick? Well how about I do something to make you feel better…" And before I could even think to do anything else, he took me into his hot mouth, running his tongue in overwhelming patterns along the shaft. My head rolled back as I grasped the counter and tried to stifle my moans.

He was so fucking good.

How the hell did he get so good?

I was about to try and think it through, when he pulled me deeper into his throat.

The gasp that escaped me was strangled as I tried to cut it off halfway from my lips. We were thousands of feet in the sky, in an airplane bathroom together, while Alex was down on his knees in front of me giving me the best head I'd ever received. For a moment I wanted to laugh. Never in a million years, in any of my fantasies did I ever expect this.

My thoughts were abruptly snapped back to Alex's mouth around my cock as he paused for a moment to suck on the head, his tongue running quick circles around the tip. I bit my lip hard, my hands tightening on the marble until it became almost painful. Even then, I was shocked to realize the pain only added to the pleasure. Alex moaned with my cock enveloped around him, and the sweet vibrations made my knees shake with the intensity of my arousal. I wanted to fist his messy hair, and fuck his mouth into oblivion, but this didn't feel like that. It felt nice and almost caring, not a dominating and rough kind of thing. Not even my want was enough to want to ruin that. And as I drew closer to my climax, my moans started to become less and less controlled.

"Alex," I gasped.

"Mhm?" More vibrations. I groaned.

"I'm getting close."

He smirked at me, and I shivered. I couldn't believe how fucking hot that was. The smirk played at his lips for longer while he teased the head, before he grasped the base of my erection and used his other hand to reach back and play lightly with my balls. I jerked forward unexpected, gasping while a wet moan escaped my clenched lips. Without giving me time to recover, his mouth assaulted my cock, and I felt him suck me deeply into his throat. All of my self-control had been lost, and the moans had begun to tumble unrestrained from me. I wondered briefly if anyone on the plane would hear this.

Quickly I was being driven faster and faster to my peak, the overwhelming feeling of his tongue on my cock sent ripples through me like a small taste of what my final orgasm would feel like as I was pushed over my peak.

It was delicious.

Finally it was all too much, and wave after wave of ecstasy plunged me into a reverie of bliss as I rode the pleasure of my orgasm. My cum filled his mouth over and over again, and I felt him work almost effortlessly to swallow around me. He was still looking up at me when my fingers unclenched from the counter. I pulled back slightly, almost reluctantly, and he let my softening cock slide from his lips. He ran his mouth across his arms, smirking as he grabbed my boxers and the my jeans, pulling them back up as they were before.

I placed my hands over his, and we did up my jeans together. As the button slipped into place, I looked into his eyes.

Alex smirked at me. "Feeling any better?"

* * *

**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**Also, reviews would encourage me to write and update faster! Hint hint. And if you want to add suggestions for future chapters, feel free. Requests for extra chapters at the end will also be taken.**


	5. Broken Endeavors

_I placed my hands over his, and we did up my jeans together. As the button slipped into place, I looked into his eyes._

_Alex smirked at me. "Feeling any better?"_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

My breath was coming in short, little, shaky gasps. Condensation was prickling across my skin in what now were ticklish drops running gently down the skin of my back, thighs, chest, and face, leaving parts of my hair matted to my forehead. My knees felt like they were going to give out at any moment, and all I could wonder is, if they did, would he catch me in his arms?

And he was asking me if I felt any better?

I smiled, and nodded, not trusting myself to say anything. I had a bad habit of blurting unnecessary, awkward things, and this really wasn't one of those moments that I wanted to ruin that way. Not like he wasn't accustomed to it by now; but still. Just because we've known each other since we were kids doesn't mean I have to always live up to bad expectations.

"Good." he grinned, pulling the curtain back like he had done so earlier, and waving an arm for me to go ahead. "I'm pretty sure our good friend Pete is wondering where we've been, and will be inquiring about the _luxuries_ of first class." Alex waggled his eyebrows at me, and laughed before pushing me back into the overcrowded room.

I stumbled back to my seat in a euphoric daze until I got to the elderly couple I was forced to squeeze passed to get to my seat. They muttered unpleasant profanities as I struggled, making no attempts to move so that I could get by easier, until I snapped. "Look, Bitch, move your fucking legs! Just because you two got a seniors discount for this flight doesn't mean you get some kind of free pass where everyone has to put up with your shit. Now, can I get by to my seat, or would you like me to call the flight attendant so she can wipe your ass and give you your meds to control your menopause?"

**. . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"No fucking way! Jack, you didn't actually say that, did you?"

It was ten hours later.

Nine hours since I was escorted off the plane at the airport of our connecting flight and refunded for the rest of my ticket. Eight hours since the rest of the tour landed in Toronto. Seven hours since they had drove the tour bus back across the boarder and into Michigan to pick me up from the Sonic's I had been sitting in for hours, thanks to the courtesy and All Time Low Fandom of the owners. And four hours since we arrived in Toronto, behind schedule, for the show we were supposed to play at the Molson Amphitheatre. Three hours since I, personally, had had to go out on the stage in front of thousands of fans and apologize for it being my fault that the show was being delayed. And now it was ten minutes before the show would finally begin.

"Yeah, he did," Pete grinned, slapping a hand on my back as if I had done something worthy of praise. "It was hysterical! The look on that old ladies face, I swear, it was priceless. Even the airport security who removed him were trying not to laugh." A circle of laughs chorused behind me as I slipped away to go peak out of the curtain at the audience. Not all of _them_ had thought my endeavors so hilarious.

I owed a lot of pissed off fans an amazing performance tonight.

How the hell I planned to do that, I had no idea.

I'd probably have to sell my soul on the internet to make up for this.

I sighed, turning away from the curtain and heading back towards the part of the amphitheatre where Mike was selling our merchandise to the people who were only here to see specific bands and had begun to wander. All Time Low wasn't kicking it off until near the end of the night, so there were a few hours to kill before I had to face the music. Literally. Might as well take a few fan pictures and sign some things to hopefully make amends with a few fans before then.

"Hey, Jackman," Mike greeted me as I took up one of the hard plastic chairs beside him, sharpie at the ready. "Rough last twenty-four hours?" I ran my fingers through my hair, thoroughly messing it up, and let my head rest heavily in my hands. "Yeah, you could say I've had better days. Definitely better flights, that's for sure."

"Jack?"

I looked up, and into the face of the most adorable kid in the world. She looked to be about sixteen, but her eyes were too huge for her face and the kind of deep chocolate brown that you melted into. Her voice was slightly too high, but it was soft, almost like a pretty melody. Her hair was an unnatural auburn red with blond streaks, and she was wearing white skinnies and a black tank top; both self-decorated to display her love of the band. Even her shoes were decorated. She wasn't holding anything. She was just standing there, arms firmly at her sides, a slight frown creasing her face. I felt my stomach squirm uncomfortably as I recognized the emotion shadowing over her face.

Disappointment. Utter, heartbreaking, disappointment.

"Yes?" I asked quietly. She took a huge breath, her chest rising to twice its normal size before she let it out in a gust of air, her eyes closing momentarily. When she opened them again, they shone with the beginnings of tears. "I saved up for five months to come to this show tonight. I did everything I could to get money, every odd job I could do for anyone who was willing to let me do it. Finally, I had enough. I was so excited..." she paused as her voice cracked, and I felt my heart crack with it. "But now, I won't get to see you guys." She sniffled and the tears finally spilt over, leaving streaks running down her cheeks. "My only ride home is about to leave, and if I stay, I won't be able to get back, so I have to go." She looked me full in the eyes then, and I felt myself crumple under the gaze of those huge brown eyes. "You were my favourite, Jack. But now you are just a huge disappointment." A sob escaped her, and I stared in shock as she began to take off the skinnies.

"I don't want these anymore," she cried, throwing them at me, before disappearing into the crowd.

All I could do was stare after her, holding the jeans absently in my lap.

"What the hell was that all about?" Mike asked after a few minutes of stunned silence. I just shook my head, replaying over and over again the look on her face as she had thrown away the jeans. I looked down at them, noticing now how most of the art revolved around me. It was all hand drawn with sharpies; lyrics to our songs, pictures of me, a jack hammer, my many nicknames, little hearts, and the bands' name itself, along with other random drawings and doodles.

A lot of effort had gone into these.

That realization broke me.

"I have to go," I said abruptly, pushing back the chair and leaving without another glance or word. I walked briskly to our tour bus, only one thought on my mind. If I had any luck at all, he would be there, and then things would be some what better. They had to be. He could make things better. He would make things better. He always did. I heaved the door open, shutting it carelessly behind me so that it made a loud bang as it connected again with its frame. The jeans were still in my hands, and I managed to tuck them safely away in the drawer underneath the tiny cot of a bed, before he appeared.

_Alex._

_My Alex._

"Jack? What the hell are you doing?" he started walking towards me, but I had already rushed forward to meet him, grabbing his face in my hands and kissing him hard until we were both out of breath and panting against the wall that had been nearest us. Alex pushed me away gently, just far enough that he could look into my eyes. "What's wrong?" I couldn't look at him, so instead I addressed his nose. "Nothing. Just fuck me," I pleaded. Alex moaned, pulling me back into him. I kissed him hard, and rough, as I gave way to the flood of emotion that didn't take long to turn into a cold passionate need.

I pulled at his hair, driven on by his cries of pleasure, shoving him onto the nearest bed and quickly relieving him and myself of our clothing. My lips trailed warm kisses across his collar bone, down his chest and passed his navel, down his thigh and then up the other until I reached his warm lips again. All I wanted was to be inside of him. I needed him, needed the release he could bring me. The release that would help me escape all the pain and disappointment I had caused. Suddenly, Alex was on his back and I was straddled over him, planting kisses anywhere that I could reach on his muscular back. With a blind lust I thrust myself into him and revelled in the delicious friction and the sounds of his pleasurable moans. Unaware of anything else, I began to fuck him with such growing passion that it took me a while to register that he was screaming my name. But it was the tone in which he was doing so which made my blood instantly run cold.

It wasn't the low, husky moans I had imagined. He was crying. Begging me to stop. I pulled out of him with the realization of utmost horror; I had hurt him. Alex scrambled out of the bed as I fell hard against the wall. He fell on the floor in a tangle of blankets, still struggling to distance himself from me. The look on his face was something I'd never forget. Pain, betrayal, and _fear _stared back at me as I numbly watched him pull his clothes back on and run from the trailer without a single word.

Irreversible damage had been done.

_I hurt him, I hurt him, I hurt him._

_My Alex._

My shoulders began to shake uncontrollably as guilt crashed over me in suffocating waves. Why had I been so unbelievably stupid? He had trusted me, and I had hurt him. Tears streaked down my face, and I brushed them away fiercely; angry that they were trying to bring justification to what I had just done. Even if some how Alex ever was able to forgive me and trust me again, I would never forgive myself.

Never.

* * *

**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**Also, reviews would encourage me to write and update faster! Hint hint. And if you want to add suggestions for future chapters, feel free. Requests for extra chapters at the end will also be taken.**

I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to update! D:  
I hope you'll all forgive me, and that these next few chapters will make up for it. x


	6. Predictably, Unpredictable

_I hurt him, I hurt him, I hurt him._

_My Alex._

_My shoulders began to shake uncontrollably as guilt crashed over me in suffocating waves. Why had I been so unbelievably stupid? He had trusted me, and I had hurt him. Tears streaked down my face, and I brushed them away fiercely; angry that they were trying to bring justification to what I had just done. Even if some how Alex ever was able to forgive me and trust me again, I would never forgive myself._

_Never._

* * *

**Chapter 6**

That night on stage it was like nothing had happened.

Alex joked with me like we would during any normal show, and the fans soaked it up with excited smiles and desperate screams as they jumped up and down to the lyrics and melodies we beat out. As I played along with the act he was so loyally holding together, despite the overwhelming guilt that seemed to be harbouring itself like a monstrous disease in the pit of my stomach, I truly began to appreciate the level of dedication he was showing for our fans. If we hadn't been the lovable goofs everyone so looked forward to, the show would have been ruined. Even more fans would have been disapointed. I thought back to the girl -whose skinnies I was now wearing- and I wanted to throw up.

It was my fault. Everything was my fault.

If I had never mouthed off the flight attendant, than none of this would have happened.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

Just as it normally would, the show continued on. And just like normal we spent a few hours afterwards signing outside of the venue with a collection of dedicated fans who had waited around for us to come out. I put a smile on my face more times than I could count - not all of them just because someone wanted to take a picture. Alex didn't come near me unless someone wanted a picture of us together. With each moment that passed I felt my heart breaking more and more inside of me while I fought hard against the tears that were clawing at the back of my eyes, intent on displaying to the world just how pathetic Jack Barakat truly was behind all his stupid jokes and silly faces. The only thing holding back my tears was the constant pang of self-loathing that screamed at me, 'You deserve all of this'.

"I'm sorry, you guys, but we have to go now," Alex apologized regretfully as a chorus of awh's and sad objections rang out through the small mass of people. "I really truly am sorry, it was so great hanging out with all of you guys. But if we don't leave now we'll never make it to our next show in time." A few people hurriedly rushed forward to give last minute hugs and kisses on cheeks before we all loaded back onto the bus and drove out of the lot and onto the nearly deserted highway. I sat on one of the couches and started reading and looking at some of the gifts fans had given me. A letter saying how amazing I was and how much All Time Low had helped them, changed their life, how much they owe the band. A drawing, two bracelets, a signed copy of Home Alone, and enough candy to put me in a diabetic coma. The love that came hand-in-hand with each present was just too much for me to take in right now. I couldn't believe so many people would go to the trouble to give me all of these things I in no way deserved.

I stood up and walked over to open the pull-out draw under my bunk. After a minute of playing tetris with the drawers contents I slipped the gifts into the already overflowing space, forced it back closed, and then pulled the girls skinnies off. They weren't a gift, so they didn't belong in the drawer, but they weren't truly mine either. I didn't know what to do with them. They were in my lap as I sat in silence on the edge of my bunk when Rian came down the hall. "Those are pretty cool jeans, where did you get them? I saw you had them on stage, but I didn't see you with them when we picked you up." He leaned against the wall on one arm and I nodded. "Yeah, a fan... gave them to me." It felt wrong to say she had given them to me, but I didn't know how else to put it.

A fan told me what a huge letdown I was and she threw them away after losing all love and respect for me?

Yeah, right.

"They look like they took and epic amount of time," he picked up on of the legs and read a small section of the print. He laughed. "Did you notice it says Matt is a pedophile right here?" I took the pant leg from him and he pointed to it. Sure enough, in bright red sharpie with a devilish smiley face at the end, read 'Matt Flyzik is a pedophile'. I laughed. "No, I didn't, but that's pretty fucking awesome!" Rian shook his head in amusement before propelling himself up onto the bunk above mine. "One of these days I'm going to take the time to read everything written on those pants... but for now, it's time to sleep - I'm beat. So," he threw the sheet over his body as he stretched his body out the full length of the tiny matress. "Shut the fuck up."

I laughed, folding the jeans neatly and putting them at the foot of my bed.

It was then that Alex walked by.

Without my brains approval, I straightened up and leaned forward almost expectantly. My heartbeat could have kept pace with a hummingbird and I swear he should have been able to hear it as he approached. Alex didn't even spare me a glance as he pulled off his shoes and sweater before crawling into his bunk and pulling the thin curtain across to sheild out the light - and me. It felt like someone had a vice grip on my heart, and right now they were trying their hardest to make sure I suffered before they would tear it completely from my chest. I swallowed down a lump of misery and hid away inside my own bed - buried my face away in the muffling depths of my pillow as I allowed sobs of anguish to take control of me.

What had I done? _What had I fucking done?_

Of course, I had known it had all been a well-executed facade this evening. But even that knowledge hadn't stopped me from believing that maybe, just maybe, he didn't hate me, and everything that had happened today was just one huge nightmare that had never happened. I should have known better. Alex hated me -I flinched involuntarily- almost as much as I hated myself. What was I going to do? What could I do? We couldn't keep pretending that everything was okay at shows. Our fans would figure it out sooner or later, and then what? How could I possibly explain what I had done? I thought of all the fans who would hate me and my sobs only intensified.

"Jack, are you crying?"

"No..." I whispered pathetically.

"You're not?" His voice was incredulous and unconvinced. And even as I felt him tug gently at my shoulder I couldn't believe that this was anything more than just a dream. I allowed myself to be turned over, and sure enough, I found myself staring up into his gorgeous brown eyes, so full of concern, it was almost painful to look at. Alex frowned. "It sure looks like you're crying."

I quickly erased the evidence with my arm. "No, I'm fine." Even to my ears it sounded feeble, weak, hollow. I wasn't the least bit surprised when Alex raised an eyebrow questioningly before shaking his head. "I honestly hope you didn't expect for me to believe that utter bullshit," he growled. I felt like a scolded puppy as I shook my head. "No, I didn't. I'm sorry." Alex sighed and I saw his expression soften before he climbed into my bed and pulled my curtain across. He leaned against the wall and held his arms out to me. I crawled into their warm comfort without hesitation and felt my heart crumple in my chest with undeserved relief. "Why are you so amazing?" I whispered into the sweet, familiar scent of his chest. Alex laughed softly. "Years of having you as a best friend?" I flinched in spite of the compliment. "I'm nothing like you. I don't even deserve you. "

My voice broke. "I - I hurt you."

Tears began to sting at my eyes again, but Alex's arms only tightened around me.

His voice was muffled by my hair as he planted a kiss there. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, though. And I realized tonight that I just can't live without you. It was so horrible trying to avoid you, not being able to touch you and make stupid jokes, instead of the act we did on stage. It didn't feel right. It felt like I had lost a piece of me, you know?" I hiccuped as I choked on a sob, and nodded. I knew _exactly_ what he was talking about. "And I decided I can forgive you for what you did, because it's a lot easier to forgive you, than try and live without you. Because I know I could never live without you." My heart felt like it was going to burst through my ribs in an uncontrollable display of the love that was coarsing through it, making it beat faster, faster. My breathing was coming out in short little shaky gasps. I felt like the world was spinning away and the only thing that mattered anymore was sitting here in Alex's arms.

"I don't deserve you," I whispered.

"No... but I don't deserve you, either. So you see, we're perfect for each other."

I began to cry without restraint, and as Alex titled my head up to kiss me, I realized he was crying, too. His lips were soft aginst mine, comforting. One hand running delicately through my hair, the other stroking the length of my jaw. Our tears mingled as they fell in glistening streaks down our cheeks and time lost all sense of meaning. The last twenty-four hours seemed to melt away in the heat of the kiss and if ever there was a moment in ones life where they could truly describe something as perfect, this was it. I thought back to the first night in the hotel room, after I had gotten a boner on stage, and couldn't help but smile into the kiss.

Life was so outrageously unpredictable.

I couldn't even imagine what it had in store for us next.

* * *

**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**Also, reviews would encourage me to write and update faster! Hint hint. And if you want to add suggestions for future chapters, feel free. Requests for extra chapters at the end will also be taken. **

**Here's to the person who asked me to update. (:**  
**Hope you enjoy the new chapter! x**


	7. Silverscreen Cliche

_Life was so outrageously unpredictable._

_I couldn't even imagine what it had in store for us next._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

"Hey, Alex! Get in here and come read this!"

He came bounding across the length of the bus to where I was sitting sprawled out in front of the TV, my laptop resting on top of my thighs. Zack was stretched out on the other seat across from us, and I could hear Rian snoring from his bunk. Matt had been left with the responsibility of getting us to our next destination, and I had been spending the last two hours looking up smut on the internet. Just now I had found a particularly raunchy one featuring Alex and I, and naturally my first reaction was to make Alex read it. "What is it?" He sat on the floor next to me as I angled the laptop screen so he could see it. "Just a little fan sexual frustration," I laughed.

While he read over what I had already seen I thought about how our fans might react if they knew that some of their fantasies had actually happened right under their radars, maybe even at one of the shows they had attended. I wondered how we had managed to keep this secret for so long. It took maybe a day for Nothing Personal to leak across the world wide web, and yet no one had even dug up one little piece of concrete evidence that Alex and I...

It was in that moment that I remembered a certain detail from that night at the hotel.

One very important thing that had somehow abandoned all recognition in my mind.

Zack and Rian.

_"What the fuck is going on?"_

_My eyes shot open, and we both turned towards the door, where Rian and Zack were watching us with horrified expressions._

I glanced over at Zack, intent on the movie he was watching, and thought of Rian asleep in his bunk. They had both been there that night, had both seen what Alex and I had been doing, yet neither of them had breathed a word of it. I thought back to the incident between Zack and I, and shuddered. What had that been about anyways? It was like it never even happened. I didn't know whether to feel relieved, or worried. Why had neither of them been treating us differently?

Well, one thing was for sure. I definitely was _not_ about to question them on it.

"Damn," Alex said as he finished the story, running a hand through his hair as a grin played at the corners of his lips. "Some people have quite the imaginations." He was giving me one of those looks that made my face melt into a pink haze of burning embarrassment. I felt the blush flood into my cheeks before I saw the devilish sparkle arise in Alex's eyes. I nodded in agreement, "Yeah... they're pretty - uhm - interesting."

From my peripheral vision I saw Zack glance in our direction before turning back to the TV. I felt an intense and sudden feeling of paranoia wash over me. Now that I remembered everything, it was like I couldn't make myself forget it again. It was as if any moment he would jump up and declare that he knew what we were doing, and he was going to tell everyone. Even thinking it made me feel bad - like I was betraying Zack as a friend by not trusting him. I mean, he hadn't told anyone up to this point; neither had Rian.

Maybe it was stupid of me and I was just blowing my worries completely out of proportion.

Just maybe though...

"That's one way to put it," Alex laughed and pushed himself off the floor again. He lifted my legs effortlessly with one arm, sat down, and then placed them across his legs. I had to force myself not to smile like a moron. We sat like this for awhile in silence while I continued to look up random things about the band online and Alex contented himself to watching the movie with Zack. Eventually the movie ended and I shutdown the laptop, declaring I needed to get my beauty sleep. Zack laughed. "You're going to be sleeping for a long time then." I screwed up my face and made an indignant noise. "Suck my dick. My father invented toaster-stroodle."

"Yeah, that's why Jack's hair is so big - it's full of _secrets_."

Zack laughed, shaking his head as he got up. "Don't make me push you in front of a bus."

"Do it, Bitch! You give me a piece of your crown anyway!" I jumped up for the couch, presenting my fists in Zack's face. It was kind of like a mouse trying to seem intimidating to a lion - and just as pathetic. Zack smirked and tackled me before I even had a chance to squeal like a little girl, locking me in a choke-hold with one of his massive arms. I whined as best as I could, "Zack! Jesus, let me go! It's not fair! Damnit, Zack! Let go! Fuck!" I growled and clawed at his arm, which only succeeded in him laughing harder. At last he slackened his grip and I fell to the floor. He smiled down at me with the air of someone who had just accomplished a great victory, and I couldn't help it as my bottom jutted out.

"You suck," I mumbled, crossed my arms and pouted.

Alex had been giggling uncontrollably since I'd brandished my fists, but now he threw himself onto the ground next to me in a tackle-hug and started pushing my hair around. "Alex, what the fuck are you doing?" He grinned and stared up at Zack with mocking eyes, "Jack's hair is so sexy when it's pushed back. Zack - tell Jack his hair looks sexy when it's pushed back." I squirmed out from under him as they laughed and scrambled on hands and knees to the front of the bus where Matt was intent on the road. "Maaaaaaatt..." I whined as he glanced quickly over to look at me. "What do you want? I'm driving."

"Can we stop at Burger King?"

"What?"

"Bur-ger K-in-g."

He glared at me for as long as he could without running off the road and crashing the bus into a ditch. I just smiled sweetly at him with the most innocent look I could muster. After a moment of going back in forth between him watching the road and glaring at me, he glanced at the clock on the dash and then sighed loudly. "Fine, okay. I need a break from driving anyways and we're ahead of schedule." I jumped up, grinning. "Thanks, Flyzik!" He mumbled something under his breath before pulling off the highway. It look us ten minutes to find the Burger King, and after that, all recollection of time was lost.

"Should we wake up Rian?"

"Nah, that's just one more mouth to feed. He shouldn't have been sleeping."

I glanced at Rian's sleeping form for a moment before shrugging my shoulders and following Alex out of the bus with Zack and Matt. After all, who could argue with that kind of logic? We staggered across the busy parking lot together, winding through other fast-food goers and parked vehicles, and took our place in line inside the restaurant. I leaned into Alex as we contemplated the menu together. "Dude, what are you getting?" He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I'm thinking that angry Whopper sounds pretty damn good." Matt turned to him. "That has jalapeno peppers on it. Are you insane?"

Alex laughed, "Ch-yeah."

"We should all get it," Zack and Matt turned to look at me as if I had just suggested we all take the bus on a joyride to Mexico. "C'mon, don't be pussies." By the time we had made our way up to the front of the line and the girl behind the counter asked us what we would like, we had agreed upon everyone getting the Angry Whopper. "Is that for here or to go?" Matt glanced back at us and a chorus of 'Here's' told our cashier our decision. While we waited for our food I wandered off and picked out a booth for us to sit at. As I sat down, I noticed a group of girls eying me with equal looks of shock and disbelief on their faces. I swore one of them squealed when Alex, Zack, and Matt sat down next to me.

We all looked down at our burgers - sharing similar looks that each clearly stated 'what the hell had we been thinking?' before we picked them up and let them hover in front of our mouths. "Alright," Alex said finally,"On the count of three we'll all take a big bite. Ready? One, two, three!" We all bit a large chunk off of the massive burger and began the struggled to chew the huge amounts in our mouths.

And it wasn't all that bad...

For the first five seconds.

I knew immediately when I had bitten into my first piece of jalapeno pepper. The surge of spicy heat sent an electric current through my taste-buds and as they screamed their protest to the intense heat, I screamed my protest to the restaurant. "Oh my - oh my god!" I waved my hands in front of my face as I dropped the burger, as if hoping the extra bit of air flow provided by my hands would put out the flame in my mouth. I glanced around the table and saw similar reactions to my own. Alex was blinking too fast as he swore loudly, Matt was crying with his hand over his mouth as he worked fast to chew and swallow the flame, and Zack had his arm on the table with his fist clenched. I looked around frantically on the table for my drink, and was only reduced to a blinding panic as I realized there were none. "Matt! What the fuck dude? Where are the drinks?" He looked down at the table - void of fire destroying beverages- and his face crumpled. "I forgot to get combo's."

"Fuuuuuuuuuck," Alex groaned as he spit his half-chewed burger into a napkin and crumpled it into a ball. I mirrored his actions, as did Matt, and only Zack managed to completely chew and swallow his Angry Whopper from hell. Though the food was gone, we could all still feel the uncomfortable spice burning in our mouths. "I would love anyone who gave me a drink right now."

Suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder and I turned to look up at one of the girls I had noticed earlier.

She was smiling down at me nervously, and in her outstretched hand she held a large coke.

"Here, you look like you need this."

My hands responded quicker than my brain did, and before I could consciously give them permission to, my fingers had wrapped around the cup and I had downed half the contents in one swig. The icy carbonated liquid eased across my tongue and down my throat like heaven; cooling me and stomping out the jalapeno fire. I slumped against the table with relief as the other three girls came over and offered their drinks in order to save the others. It was a few minutes later before I turned to my savior, who was still looking at me excitedly, like she couldn't believe I was real and I had actually just drank _her_ coke. I got up from my seat and wrapped my arms around her. "Thank you. I love you."

She squeaked, a small excited giggle shaking her tiny frame. "You're welcome, Jack. I love you, too."

And that was the last thing I remembered before waking up in what I thought was my bunk, my head pounding furiously at my temples. I squinted my eyes against the dull lights above -the ones that must mean I was actually in the back lounge- and carefully made a check of my senses. The surface under me was soft, yet cool, which meant I was on the couch. There was a hard object wedged precariously between my leg and the cushions that felt only the way a bottle of alcohol could, which would explain the headache clawing its way into my hungover brain. I could hear Alex and Rian snoring and guessed Zack must be there as well. The only thing that scared me was the bus was moving - I could hear the sounds of the highway rushing by as I lay there with my eyes half open.

Did those girls get us drunk out of our minds and then steal our bus?

_Oh god._

Ignoring the sudden pain that shot through me as I sat quickly upright, I staggered toward the front of the bus, unsure of what I might see there.

* * *

**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**Also, reviews would encourage me to write and update faster! Hint hint. And if you want to add suggestions for future chapters, feel free. Requests for extra chapters at the end will also be taken.**

**Hope you enjoy the new chapter! x**


	8. Nightmares

_Did those girls get us drunk out of our minds and then steal our bus?_

_Oh god._

_Ignoring the sudden pain that shot through me as I sat quickly upright, I staggered toward the front of the bus, unsure of what I might see there._

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"Well, good afternoon, Sunshine. Sleep well?"

I blinked in relieved surprise at Rian Dawson - smiling his big, white smile. He was alternating between watching the road and looking up at me, the expression on his face made me think he knew something I didn't, which wasn't surprising at this point. "Why are you driving?" He laughed. "Well, since you guys decided to leave me in the bus, I was the only one sober enough to do it." He laughed harder as I groaned, massaging my temples. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Should I?"

"Probably not."

"_Fantastic_."

The smile faded from his face and was replaced with genuine concern. "All that happened was you guys brought a couple girls back to the bus after heading to the bar across the street from Burger King, got even more trashed, and then I kicked them out once I figured we needed to get back on the road. Nothing bad happened. It was actually a good thing I didn't go with you guys because it made it easier for me to watch over you all." I shook my head in disbelief that I was friends with such a great guy. Rian really was one of the most caring people I'd ever met, and it was strange to think I owed our friendship to a Face To Face t-shirt.

Who would have thought?

"Thanks, Rian." I sighed.

He shrugged, "Eh, it's no problem. If I didn't, I'm sure an angry mob would come after me demanding to know how I could let you guys be murdered and raped by drunken crazed fangirls..." I just shook my head. He sure knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. Yeah, right. I stumbled back down the hall and rolled into my bunk, not even bothering to exert the effort required to pull across the curtain. I figured it would only be a few more hours until we stopped for our final show of the tour - a hometown show in Baltimore. And even though the tour had been full of amazing people, great shows, and countless memories, I was definitely ready to get off the road again.

Thinking about the tour reminded me of the girl whose jeans I never seemed to take off anymore. My heart squeezed with regret. I wondered if I would ever be able to make it up to her, or even if I'd ever see her again to be able to have that option. I sighed, tracing my finger around the flying pig printed across my shirt until I drifted off into a restless sleep.

I had horrible dreams.

I dreamed Alex was standing on a cliff edge, looking down at the bone chilling dark abyss that seemed to float up from below and circle around his ankles, threatening to pull him into its depths. I watched in absolute horror as he smiled at me before taking a step into the blackness. Screaming, I lunged forward. But my body refused to move, sound refused to be made... And then suddenly I was sitting alone in an empty room. My throat restricted painfully as I took in the walls, stained with words written in what looked like blood.

'_He hates you. They all hate you. Alex doesn't love you._'

"No, no! He loves me! He loves me!"

The walls seemed to laugh at my pathetic pleas as they began to close in around me. I yelled, pounding my fists against the steadily advancing walls. "Get away from me! You're wrong! You're wrong!" Alex appeared next to me then, his face contorted in a scowl of pure disgust - a stranger to my eyes. His brown eyes were cold, hard, cruel. He seemed to tower over me as he spoke and I cowered away from this twisted version of my best friend. "I don't love you, Jack. You're nothing to me - you're pathetic. You're nothing. Did you actually think I would take you seriously? You're just another idiot to me. Jack..."

"No," I whimpered, tears falling down my cheeks in hot streaks. "You don't mean that."

"Worthless Jack..."

"No, no, no."

"Jack..."

"No, no, NO!"

"Jack! God dammit, Jack, wake up!"

My body flew upright as my eyes shot open and it took less than a second for a head splitting pain to shoot through me as my head connected with the roof of my bunk. I groaned, grabbing my head and curling in on myself. My face was wet with tears, both from the pain of what I assumed would be a concussion and the nightmare I had been woken up from. Alex rolled me over as gently as he could manage, but I could still hear the distress in his voice as he spoke. "Jack, are you alright? I heard you screaming, and then you just hit your head... Jack? Jack, you're scaring the fuck out of me! Answer me, please!" I uncurled myself and turned tentatively to look into his eyes. They were the same warm, brown eyes I was used to. No trace of the monster from my nightmare.

I exhaled loudly with relief. "I'm fine, thanks."

Alex frowned, putting his hand on my forehead gently, he let his fingertips trail lightly across my skin. My eyelids fell closed with his touch and I immediately began to forget about the pain and the fear from before. I heard him sigh before he lied down next to me, wrapping his arm around me. "I worry about you, Jack. You have nightmares all the time, you always look like you've been crying, and you look so _sad_ sometimes. One day I'm not going to be here, and..."

The rest of his sentence was lost in a haze of drowsiness as I fell asleep in his arms.

When I woke up we were in Baltimore.

"Home sweet home!" Rian chorused as we pulled up behind the equipment truck outside of the Recher theatre. We stepped out into the fresh air together, stretching out stiff limbs and soaking up the familiarity. It was always nice to be back home. After a few minutes of small talk we all set off to do our jobs of setting up before the show, working quickly to ensure everything would be perfect before fans started showing up and the doors opened. It was three hours later, sound check completed flawlessly, when kids began to pour into what would be an extremely tight-knit venue. I smiled as I saw a few homemade t-shirts and people carrying signs for us. No one could deny the love our fans continued to show us every single day, and at every single show.

It started off just like any other night.

Of course it did.

If it hadn't, would any of this be happening right now? None of us knew we were about to willingly walk into the end of everything we'd ever known. None of us knew what lie merely hours ahead, and to tell you the truth, had someone, somehow managed to find a way to give us a forewarning of the events to come, I doubted any of us would have believed them.

None of us ever could have expected it would end like this.

The ampitheatre roared with cheers and anticipated screams of hundreds as we came bounding on to the stage, giddy with adrenaline and the same old familiar buzz of nerves. No matter how many shows we went to, how many venues we played, how many songs we sung, there was always that question of 'what if'. What if this time I forget a lyric? What if this time I miss a note? And it's that continuous unpredictability that made the sweat bead on my forehead and butterflies pound through my chest. As I slung the guitar strap over my head, I felt all my nerves melt away.

This was where I belonged.

The first stage of our set went by faster then I would have liked - it always did. Time seemed to fly by at shows, and before I knew it, we were only four songs away from the end. It always made my heart feel a little heavy to know that these kids waited for so long, built up so much excitement, only to get to spend so little time with us. But in a world that revolves so tightly around money and rules it is hard to try and incorporate wants. "This is our last song," I announced, causing a wave of moans and sad protests to flow across the many faces looking up at us. Alex grabbed his mic from its stand and walked closer to the front of the stage, leaning with one foot up on the floor amp. "We're sorry these shows are so short, really, we are. We wish we could just take you all to one giant island and play a show for hours, but we can't. We appreciate everything you do, though, and I just wanted to say that I fucking love y-"

And then it happened.

Before he could finish his sentence, a large blur flew past, inches from his face, and I turned in time to see the half-full water bottle collide with Rian's face. I watched in absolute horror as he collapsed backwards off his stool and fell from the raised platform. Stunned silence had lasted for only moments before the entire Ampitheatre burst abruptly into chaos. I could hear people screaming and crying as I ripped my guitar from over my shoulder and ran for Rian. Zack had beat me there, not pausing for the second of shock as he fell, and was already carrying Rian backstage in his arms. I rushed quickly after them, Alex following suit close at my heels. The paramedics were waiting only a few feet backstage and began to assess him after Zack had laid him carefully on the floor. He was twitching slightly, and quiet groans were coming from him every few seconds.

"Just a concussion," one of the paramedics said after a few more minutes.

I laughed, the sound tainted with bitterness. Just a concussion. Just? I'd never been a particularly violent person, but in that moment I wanted to punch anything I could get my hands on. It seemed that Zack liked the diagnosis just as much as I did, as I saw him clench and unclench his fingers a few times - the veins all too visible under his tense skin. Alex was staring, his jaw slack with disbelief as he stared at the paramedic who was still focusing on tending to the small pool of blood forming above Rian's left temple. It had trailed down the side of his head and into his short cropped hair, leaving a sickly dark red streak.

"How could anyone fucking do this to another person?" I asked angrily, realizing briefly that the bottle had been aimed at Alex. "How could one person be so carelessly stupid?" My face was getting hot with anger and I walked away a few paces, throwing my hands up in the air. Having no where to channel my emotions to, they began to build up uncomfortably in my chest, making me feel restless. I paced back in forth for what seemed like forever, muttering under my breath about '_just concussions_' when I saw Rian sit up from the corner of my eye. The restlessness left me abruptly and I hurried to crouch near him again.

"Rian? Rian, man - are you okay?"

He blinked a couple of times before reaching for his head.

His fingers connected with the place of impact, now wrapped in gauze, but I still saw him flinch as he quickly let his arm fall back into his lap. Rian looked around at us, and then in confusion at the paramedics. We sat in silence like this for a few minutes before something flashed in his eyes, and suddenly his face went hard. He locked me in his gaze - his eyes burned with an icy coldness and I found I could not look away.

"They threw a bottle at Alex."

It wasn't a question, but I found it necessary to nod.

"The bottle hit me instead."

I nodded again.

Rian's eyes narrowed with an emotion that only flashed across them for a second before it was replaced with the same icy hardness. Was it sadness? Anger? Betrayal? I couldn't tell, and I didn't have time to dwell on it as his eyes demanded my attention again. "Someone could have got seriously hurt today." It bothered me how formal his voice sounded, how it was free of its usual warmth and compassion. He closed his eyes very slowly, his head falling down towards his lap, and sighed.

"Guys, I can't do this anymore."

"What?" my heart pulled in anguish inside my chest, dared me to hold onto the hope that I had misheard him.

"I can't risk my life, risk our lives, anymore."

"I'm done."

* * *

**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**Also, reviews would encourage me to write and update faster! Hint hint. And if you want to add suggestions for future chapters, feel free. Requests for extra chapters at the end will also be taken.**

**Hope you enjoy the new chapter! x**


	9. Beginning of Ends

_"Guys, I can't do this anymore."_

_"What?" my heart pulled in anguish inside my chest, dared me to hold onto the hope that I had misheard him._

_"I can't risk my life, risk our lives, anymore."_

_"I'm done."_

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**Chapter 9**

My breath was coming in short, little, shaky gasps. My knees felt like they were going to give out at any moment, and all I could do was just stand there and let it happen. I felt as though my life had been placed in someone elses hands, and they had just decided to rip it to shreds. My heart gave an uncertain thump as it strained to keep on beating against the crushing weight of despair that I had begun to drown in. It was ironic that it should fight so furiously for life when all I wanted to do was die.

Rian had left the following day.

We had drove him to the airport, the entire way pleading with him to see reason.

"I can't do it anymore," he had said over and over again, shaking his head as I watched the pain cloud over on his face. "I know you guys will find another drummer, and it's not like very many people know who I am anyways." And as he walked off the bus and out of our lives I felt a piece of my heart go with him. What was All Time Low without Rian Dawson? What was my life without one of my best friends? I watched him through the tinted windows of the bus until he vanished among the many people rushing around the airport. When he was gone I crawled into my bunk and succumbed to the pain.

Things would never be the same.

And as I lay there, the familiar shaking of tears rocking my body...

I decided I wouldn't live this new life anymore.

"Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams," I murmured brokenly, my brain fading into the darkness of sleep.

"Waiting to say... I miss you, _I'm so sorry_."

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**A/N: Enjoy. Reviews would be lovely.**

**I enjoy writing cliffhangers! Hope you enjoy this new chapter.**

**Stay tuned for what could possibly be the end..  
**


	10. Disappearing Act

_And as I lay there, the familiar shaking of tears rocking my body..._

_I decided I wouldn't live this new life anymore._

_"Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams," I murmured brokenly, my brain fading into the darkness of sleep._

_"Waiting to say... I miss you, I'm so sorry."_

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**Chapter 10**

The next few days flew by in a blur of surrealistic nightmare.

After announcing to the public that Rian had left, we dropped off the tour and headed back home. It was the first time in my life that the sight of my own bed made me break down in tears. I rested my face against the soft carpet of my floor and cried. Or, at least I wanted to. I had cried so much in the past three days that no more tears would come. My face was red and puffy and my ribs ached, but I didn't care. How could I care? I shouldn't be here right now. We -my four best friends and I- should be halfway across the country playing the songs we love to the people we love even more. But we weren't. We were back in Maryland. Broken, and what now seemed, irrevocably so.

I pushed myself off the ground with shaky arms, stumbling into my brightly lit bathroom. I leaned over the sink; the porcelain felt cool under my palms as I glared at my reflection in the mirror. Disgust welled up in the bottom of my stomach and spilled over in a wave of acid. It scorched its way up my throat, leaving a burning trail in its wake as I heaved over the sink. I cried out loudly, pulling on my hair as I wailed. Angry shots of pain prickled my skin as I felt the hair being torn from their roots.

_I can't do this anymore_.

Looking up into the mirror, I let my arms drop as I stared into my eyes.

"I can't do this."

I opened up the cabinet and grabbed the first bottle of pills, dumping the tiny tablets into my palm until the bottle was empty. I rose the pills to my lips and was about to tilt my head back when Alex's face flashed across my mind. My hand fell slightly. His laugh, his smile, the way he hummed subconsciously whenever he held me. My heart ached. I... I couldn't just leave. Not without saying goodbye, not without hearing that laugh again, not without seeing that smile, or listening to that voice. The voice that made my reality seem so much better than any dream. The voice that comforted me on my darkest nights, through my lowest moments. The voice that said such beautiful things I often wondered how such a wonderful person came to be in my life and how could I, me, the most selfish asshole on the face of this planet, be lucky enough to call him a friend. And not just a friend, but a Best friend.

There was no way I could just leave. Not without saying goodbye, at least.

I poured the pills back into the bottle and replaced it in the cabinet.

"Hello?" It still surprised me just how happy his voice could make me feel. But it didn't matter anymore. I had to leave. I cleared my throat noisily. "Uhm- Alex? Hi. I was just wondering if you wanted to go out? Maybe catch a movie or something. If you want." I held my breath, afraid he'd say no. "Of course I want to catch a movie with you," he said, the smile clear in his voice, though I could still hear the small note of the same sadness I felt, colouring his words. "Pick you up in ten?" I agreed and hung up the phone then went to go and attempt to make myself look slightly less like a pathetic mess.

Thirty minutes later we were seated together in the dark theatre. The movie was a cheap horror film that neither of us really cared about, but it was the only movie that hadn't already started when we arrived. I picked absently at the bag of popcorn in Alex's the lap. The taste felt stale on my tongue; unappealing and bitter. Eating felt wrong. More like a chore than something I enjoyed. After another attempt at a third handful I gave up and concentrated on the screen.

It didn't last long.

The movie was a low-budget attempt at a scary zombie movie, but the fear was lost on the poor acting and bad costume design, not to mention the plot was practically non-existent. Besides, as the minutes dragged by, I became increasingly aware of why we were here and Alex's arm pressed against mine on the seat. I began to think more and more about how I'd never get to do this again. How cheesy movie nights would never happen again. How we would never play guitar together again. Or randomly break out into Lady Gaga songs in public places. Or put red food colouring in Rian's toothpaste. Or take pictures of each others' asses and leave them on Zack's cameras. I bit my lip, swallowing the feelings that stuck in my throat. I sucked in a sharp breath.

"You okay?"

Alex was staring at me, his eyes intent and concerned in the glare from the screen.

I smiled slightly, hoping it would be convincing enough not to worry him. He bit his lip for a moment and then turned slowly back to the movie. I sighed inwardly. Yet part of me ached in the hopes that he hadn't believed me and would turn back and beg me to re-think everything, that life was worth living and this world was still worth fighting for. After a few more minutes, Alex turned back to me, but his eyes were on the floor; his eyebrows pressed together in a thoughtful frown. When he looked back up at me the look had gone from his eyes. "Jack, do you still like me?" My mouth fell open in shock. "Of course I do! You're my best friend." Alex winced, taking it the wrong way. "I knew it. I knew we were just friends now. Ever since Rian left, you've been avoiding me and it just feels like you barely want anything to do with me anymore and-," I cut him off by grabbing his face gently between my hands and kissing him softly.

He smiled at me as I pulled away, and it hurt more than any wound could.

I couldn't bare to face it.

I wrapped him tightly in a hug, cowardly using the intimacy as an excuse not to look at that heartbreaking smile while knowing what I was going to be doing to the incredible man who wore it. His cologne drifted off his clothes, familiar and comforting, and I breathed it in deeply. Alex ran his hands through my hair and I moaned, pulling away. "Not here," I murmured. "It's too public." He smirked handsomely, and took hold of my hand before turning back to the movie. I turned towards the popcorn scattered floor, guilt washing over me. It wasn't because this place was too public, it was because I couldn't bare to kiss him when I knew I'd be leaving him soon. I couldn't put him through that. I wouldn't be that selfish, not when this was the end.

An hour or so later we walked out of the theatre and drove back to my place.

He walked me to my door and we stood there, hand in hand, unsaid words hanging in the air between us.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow then?" Alex asked, rocking slightly on his heels like he did when he was being unintentionally adorable. His eyebrows disappeared behind his hair and he bit his lip while he waited for my reply. I smiled half-heartily, careful not to agree to anything. "Thanks for going out with me tonight. It was a good way to end things." Alex squeezed my hands gently in his, taking a step closer to me, oblivious to the meaning behind my words. "I know it's been tough lately, but we'll all get through this, okay? Things will get better. This isn't the end, you know?" He looked at me expectantly, and I just smiled again, resting my hand on his cheek.

"Thanks for being my best friend and just someone who's always been there for me, and someone who's never let me down. You've always been more life a brother to me than anything, and I am just so grateful that I could call you mine." I pressed my lips against his, running my fingers in small circles on his neck. I pulled away slightly, pressing or foreheads together while we caught our breath. I stared into his eyes for what seemed like forever, yet I knew it would never be long enough. I smiled, the tears jerking my heart haphazardly around in my chest. I knew I was on the verge of tears and it was about to give me away.

"Goodbye, Alex," I whispered.

He frowned for only a moment before his features smoothed again. "I love you, Jack."

I cleared my throat and blinked rapidly to hold back the tears. "I love you, too, Alex. I always will."

He kissed me again quickly then turned to walk slowly back to his car. I watched him get in his car and followed the tail lights until they disappeared from my site. As soon as he was gone, my wall crumpled pathetically. Tears that I had been holding back all night suddenly came rushing to my eyes and I heaved sobs that sent crushing blows of despair to my heart. If there was ever a moment in my life where I thought my heart would break, this was it. I kept seeing his face in my head, kept feeling his soft lips against mine, and hearing those three little words that meant the world and more. I cursed the world as I stumbled, dazed, up the stairs. I cried out, demanding to know why- why did this have to happen now? Why did he have to tell me he loved me when I had to leave? Why couldn't this have happened before now? Before I decided to die? I picked up the mirror that rested on my dresser and threw it to the floor, wincing as tiny shards of broken glass flew and scattered across the carpet like ice.

Doubt flitted through my mind and panic followed it.

No. No, I had to do this.

There was no backing out now.

I slammed the door open, delirious in my need to hurry. My fingers wrapped around the tiny bottle, my other hand holding the cup that was collecting the rushing water to wash it down with. I dumped the tablets recklessly into my palm and tossed them forcefully into my tipped head, washing down the lot with the water. They slid painfully down my throat and I let the cup fall to the floor, heard it smash against the tile, and turned off the running water. I reeled around, toppling into the wall and sliding down limply until I was sprawled out on the floor. I stared up at the florescent lights, blinking while I let drowsiness overcome me.

This was it. It was finally the end.

No more pain, no more hurting, no more disappointing people...

I was finally going to stop being a burden on everyone.

I was finally going to disappear.

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**A/N: Reviews are the most amazing things in the world, and I absolutely love getting them.  
**

**Hope you enjoy this new chapter, and that you look forward to the _possible_ upcoming sequel!  
**

**Thanks for reading. You're all wonderful.  
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